I have talked before about hobbies and self-care; how vital they are to a mother’s well-being. This has been on my mind a lot lately because in prayer I have really felt the Lord tell me to rest and be kind to myself. Why do I think I have to do something to be worthy and accepted?I have struggled to find who I am without glue stick covered fingers thumbing through a teacher’s manual while cooking dinner. Among all of the things that come with homeschooling and maintaining a home, I lost myself. That may sound a bit like new age mumbo jumbo, but what I mean is what things do I love, value, and do for myself? If one of my roles is taken from me (like homeschooling) who is left and what do I love? Do roles define me or what?
I can’t allow myself to get so lost in the things I do for others because when a new season arrives (like an empty nest), I will stare in the mirror wondering who is looking back.
I actually have already experienced this a bit, and it is bothering me thus the need to bleed it onto the computer screen. I can’t find what I like anymore or what brings me joy besides my family. I dove head first, all gung ho, into the mothering/homeschooling gig. I left me the wife sitting on the edge, dipping her toes in when she could take it or had time, and left friend, child of God, and woman back in the bathroom. Along with them, I abandoned spirituality, needs, desires, growth, and wants as discarded unessentials in my mind. What I didn’t realize at the time is those are my life preservers. I need to find them and reclaim them and find new things to fill me. But it is uncomfortable discovering new things yet at the same time exciting. What does God have planned for me in this new phase of my life without homeschooling? I am assured it is good because He promises a future and a hope. But like my little productive self, I want to do it now and know now probably so I can try to control it. I still cling to control a lot. But God is so patient in helping me release that to Him. Maybe you can’t relate or you are nodding your head vigorously in agreement. Whatever the case may be, take care of yourself. Discover all of you, not just the mom-as-educator-you.