About Rest for the Weary

I hope you will find this little spot a place of rest and refreshment for your soul. My intention is to build up women in the trenches of homeschooling. This includes veterans who are burned out and former homeschooling moms who have decided for one reason or another to put some or all of their children in school. Thanks for stopping by. Take a deep breath of refreshment for your weary soul.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Finding self outside of homeschooling


 I have talked before about hobbies and self-care; how vital they are to a mother’s well-being. This has been on my mind a lot lately because in prayer I have really felt the Lord tell me to rest and be kind to myself.  Why do I think I have to do something to be worthy and accepted? 
 I have struggled to find who I am without glue stick covered fingers thumbing through a teacher’s manual while cooking dinner.  Among all of the things that come with homeschooling and maintaining a home, I lost myself.  That may sound a bit like new age mumbo jumbo, but what I mean is what things  do I love, value, and do for myself?  If one of my roles is taken from me (like homeschooling) who is left and what do I love?    Do roles define me or what? 

I can’t allow myself to get so lost in the things I do for others because when a new season arrives (like an empty nest), I will stare in the mirror wondering who is looking back. 

 
 
I actually have already experienced this a bit, and it is bothering me thus the need to bleed it onto the computer screen.  I can’t find what I like anymore or what brings me joy besides my family.  I dove head first, all gung ho, into the mothering/homeschooling gig.  I left me the wife sitting on the edge, dipping her toes in when she could take it or had time, and left friend, child of God, and woman back in the bathroom.  Along with them, I abandoned spirituality, needs, desires, growth, and wants as discarded unessentials in my mind.  What I didn’t realize at the time is those are my life preservers.  I need to find them and reclaim them and find new things to fill me.  But it is uncomfortable discovering new things yet at the same time exciting.  What does God have planned for me in this new phase of my life without homeschooling?  I am assured it is good because He promises a future and a hope.  But like my little productive self, I want to do it now and know now probably so I can try to control it.  I still cling to control a lot.  But God is so patient in helping me release that to Him.  Maybe you can’t relate or you are nodding your head vigorously in agreement.  Whatever the case may be, take care of yourself.  Discover all of you, not just the mom-as-educator-you. 

 diving

8 comments:

  1. So much pressure on ourselves. I can hear all of the conditioning in your voice about what a Mom is "supposed" to look like. You are the perfect fit for your children, just as you are and as you expand and grow.

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  2. Thanks for the reminder, Stephanie.

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  3. Remember too that is a lot of pressure to what a woman should look like. As a wife, as a mother, as a housewife. It is viewed negatively in some parts to be an individual. It helped me to find myself when I considered what I loved during those selfish unhindered teen years. That is what helped me find my groove with studying Architecture. I even have a back up plan of being a Maths/Science teacher. Maybe you could consider what you loved as a teen before adult life weighed you down.

    Otherwise, just keep swimmin as Dory would say.

    Best wishes
    Jen in Oz

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    1. Jen,

      You are so right. There is a lot of pressure on women, especially from ourselves. I am glad you have found your niche. I know I will find mine eventually.

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  4. Ah. Yes. I have no idea what I am without being a homeschooling or returning to homeschooling mommy. I'm afraid right now, all I feel is like I've given up on the "perfect" choice, to homeschool, for the "not perfect" choice to send them to school.

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  5. Angela,

    I know what you mean about feeling like you have given up on the best choice. I felt that way for a long time until I actually put some children in school and saw how wonderful it was.

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  6. Been there! Homeschooled till my oldest was 12. This has been their first year in school. It has been wonderful. I'm so glad they are in school and yet I was so afraid of it. There are hundreds of "resources" telling us why NOT to put our kids in school, but we need more out there telling the truth. School isn't evil. I have a daughter with possible dyslexia and school has been an amazing resource for her. I actually enjoy seeing each child (I have 4 in school and 2 too young still at home) being able to uniquely be educated and learn about themselves. The school day is short actually, and there is a lot of time to teach them other things at home. I had less time while homeschooling.
    I now am seriously struggling with my own fulfillment now. EVERYTHING I was, was invested in homeschooling and it affected my marriage negatively as well. I'm on a journey now trying to figure out what to do. So yes, I relate to this post. It's like healing from an addiction really...or similar. I'm in withdrawal and don't know where to go next.

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  7. Patricia you are so right about the lack of information for moms who are considering school and/or former hs moms. That is why I started this blog. Please come back and share your wisdom.

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