About Rest for the Weary

I hope you will find this little spot a place of rest and refreshment for your soul. My intention is to build up women in the trenches of homeschooling. This includes veterans who are burned out and former homeschooling moms who have decided for one reason or another to put some or all of their children in school. Thanks for stopping by. Take a deep breath of refreshment for your weary soul.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Loss of a vision

It has been a hard week, and it's only Wednesday. My adult bipolar son's birthday is tomorrow.  That should be a happy occasion, but it is not since he isn't speaking to us.  For some reason, thoughts of my dad have been flooding my worn out heart.  He passed away this past October.  It is so much harder than I ever thought it would be.  And, while I think I am "over" sending my children to school, the littlest things trigger tears. 

Books     Books

We are feeling the money pinch a bit so I thought I'd dig through some of my homeschooling books and sell some that I know I won't use for my daughter.  I know I could sell them easily, and we need the money. As I began to dig through them, sort and price them, I was overcome with emotions and hot, angry tears.  I am still grieving the loss of the homeschool vision.  I wanted this to work out so bad, and I am hurt and angry that the plan isn't unfolding they way I had envisioned.  I wanted to give to my younger kids what I did to my older ones---the gift of time and family.  I didn't want to face that yesterday, after dealing with the feelings of missing my father, so I quickly put it all away and distracted myself.  Later in the day, I reflected on those feelings and decided it is ok to acknowledge and feel that loss.  I also recognized the need to see this new experience for what it is and can be so that I am not stuck in the loss but am able to move past it to what is.  I held/hold a deep homeschooling vision and conviction.  It will take time to leave that behind.  There is so much to say on this issue; I have included quite a bit about the homeschool vision in my ebook. I am pushing myself to finish it during this Lenten season. 

2 comments:

  1. Aw! Hold your head up! Things will get better, one of my sayings that I use to bring me comfort is "this too shall pass!" Sometimes it is easier said then done, but God has a purpose!

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  2. I love the you are staying with the feelings. Sometimes that's all we can do. The mind wants to fix the problem, the puzzle, but that can make me crazy too!

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