About Rest for the Weary

I hope you will find this little spot a place of rest and refreshment for your soul. My intention is to build up women in the trenches of homeschooling. This includes veterans who are burned out and former homeschooling moms who have decided for one reason or another to put some or all of their children in school. Thanks for stopping by. Take a deep breath of refreshment for your weary soul.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

October writing challenge: 31 Days of Discovery








Today I begin the 31 day challenge of writing about the same topic.  Wanting to do this for several years, I finally gave myself a much needed kick in the pants.  Most years, I have used the excuse of being busy with homeschooling.  Now that I am not, I have no valid reason.  I have a teensy bit of commitment fear, ehem, that means I am a bit lazy.  But I see a lot of value in doing this, and I have found the perfect topic for me.  It may not impress anyone, but that is not the point. 

Without further ado, I would like to introduce you to 31 days of Discovery.  Discovery of what, you may ask.  Actually, I am not sure…yet.  I chose this because this is my year of rest, and my year of rediscovering who I am and what I like to do.  After 19 years of homeschooling, with depression being my constant companion, I don’t know what I like anymore, and I have no idea really where to start.  So, my hopes are that this will jumpstart me into the realm of new ideas and new discoveries about myself.  I encourage you to try the same if you are feeling lost like you don’t know what the woman in the mirror likes to do anymore.  I am basing my idea on a book I read back in the spring called I Dare Me by Lu Ann Cahn.  Ms. Cahn found herself in a rut and wanted a way to recharge her life.  She had become bored with life and felt like a boring person.  To get herself out of this slump, she tried one new thing each day for a year.  I am not quite that ambitious so I am trying to do something new every day for 31 days in October and blog my thoughts and feelings about it along with sharing a picture from that activity.    Some of these things I have done before (but it has been a long time) and others I have not.  I know I will NOT be eating a scorpion like the author of the book did!  Feel free to try some new things this month and leave any comments about them.  









Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Recycled post: Preventing rebellion

This post is about how people think homeschooling can prevent rebellion, especially in teens.  It is actually 2 linked articles.  Let me know what you think in the comments.

Homeschool will prevent teen rebellion

I found two very interesting articles about this.  It is really promoted among the homeschool crowd that homeschooling your teens will eliminate teen rebellion.  Ha!  There are no guarantees.

Homeschooling will prevent teen rebellion

Homeschooled kids and rebellion



Friday, September 19, 2014

Sixteen Sanity Savers for Moms: Free pdf

I've been writing up a storm this week so I have already finished the free mini book I mentioned earlier in the week.  Check out the side bar on the right to subscribe to receive your free pdf.  Enjoy!

Thursday, September 18, 2014

31 days-- a writing challenge

31 days is a writing challenge where bloggers pick one topic and write everyday for the month of October.  I have intended to do this for 3 years, but life keeps getting in the way.  This year, I am going to do it.  So, if you blog, consider joining in.  It sounds like a lot of fun.  I will let you know what my topic will be very soon!

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Recycling: Homeschooling myths

I am working on a free mini ebook I will be offering in the coming weeks in addition to my longer ebook.  Enjoy this recycled post about homeschooling myths

Homeschooling myths
I found an interesting series of blog posts about the myths of homeschooling.  (part 4 is here; it didn't work for me in the first link.) This is not what one might expect, though.  It is about myths that homeschoolers are perpetuating about how great homeschooling is.  (while hiding the hard, bad stuff)  I don't agree with everything stated here (the author is pro-homeschooling and Christian, but it might not seem like it because he is quite blunt), but I am glad someone is speaking about the hard parts of homeschooling instead of painting it as a cure all to all of societies ills.  Some homeschoolers set homeschooling up as an idol and don't want any of the bad to leak out.  Pride can run deep, and I think we need to acknowledge the difficulties that this choice brings (along with all of the good) instead of covering it up and pretending problems don't exist. And I think it is time that people quit thinking they are somehow better parents because they homeschool or that it is the only good choice.  Below are several other links to posts about people who have left homeschooling.  Some are about how they were treated negatively by other homeschoolers because they left homeschooling behind.

homeschooling burnout

I lost the homeschool battle

Why we're dropping out of homeschool

homeschooling guru sends her kids to public school

Why I do not homeschool

Now, just so I make this known, I am pro-homeschooling, if that  is working for everyone involved, including mom.  However, now I believe that other choices can work just as well and each family must discern where God is leading them.  I am no longer the homeschooling nazi police.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Recycling posts: Comparing

Since I merged my other two blogs to this one, I thought I might recycle some posts that might pertain to this blog.  I will try to post at least one recycled post a week.  This post is similar to Mixing causes.

Comparing


One particular point in my post on depression is about comparing, and I want to delve into it more deeply. Many women mercilessly compare themselves to others, seeing if they meet up to their ideal.  But if we stop and think about our ideal wife, mother, trad. Catholic, or whatever title you want to call it, can we see how unrealistic it really is?  Here is one example (and there may be many others depending on your ideal, but this is a common one I have noticed).  I mean who has a great figure (because she exercises 5x a week), raises most of her food (organically of course), homeschools her 6 children (while writing her own hands-on "real" curriculum) with 2 nurslings, hangs out her wash (don't forget there are cloth diapers blowin in the wind!), keeps her house looking like Better Homes and Gardens, attends daily Mass (only the TLM which is in boonville), sews matching outfits, keeps up with her perfect blog, and runs a home business on the side.  This doesn't even take into account the wonderful virtues she has perfected like patience (she never yells or scolds), denies herself constantly (goes with little sleep, plays with her children any time she an, dotes on her husband constantly).  Heck, even June Cleaver couldn't match up to that.
Most of us at one time or another have tried to do many of these things (or other forms of ideal) and felt that we didn't measure up to this ridiculous yardstick.   We need to cut ourselves some slack and realize we don't all have to be alike, we aren't perfect, and our reality will never match up with our ideal...and that is ok. We are human not superwoman.  God does not call all to be the same cookie-cutter moms.  Dr. Mary K. Clark sums it up nicely in her (July 2006) Seton newsletter. "Each of us is made in the image of God, so each of us reflects some small part of the infinite goodness of God. Since everyone is unique, and everyone is called to serve God, we must say that there are an infinite number of ways that God is to be served. The task of each person in life is to find that way of serving God to which he is called."  We are made in God's image and likeness not June Cleaver, Suzie homemaker, or St. Do-it-all.  Become who you are!

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Mixing causes for the perfect recipe


 

What began as a simple recipe for parenting, quickly turned into a complex formula that the most talented chef couldn’t produce.  First, I started with an innocent baby and mixed in attachment parenting.  Next, I creamed in gentle discipline methods to create a peaceful child.  Like a pro, I blended in natural medicine while avoiding vaccines, organic food free of preservatives, and I tossed the TV aside.  Like a proficient pastry cook, I whipped up homeschooling with all of my other ingredients , planning all of my lessons like an expert. Add a huge helping of a large family free of any family planning, sure to make the perfect confection! Next, the guidelines suggested a dash of modesty (meaning skirts/dresses only for girls) pureed with courtship instead of dating.  Lastly, I put it in the get-it-right oven and slow baked the duration of motherhood for a flawless family! 

When my perfect family cake fell flat, I searched through the directions to see if I had left something out or skipped a step.  No, I had missed nothing the experts claimed to add, but I took a step back and examined my creation.  What I saw was not a pretty site.  Instead of a seamless family, I observed messiness and a crispy fried mommy who was trying to generate the perfect method for the perfect family set on a shiny platter for all the world to see. 

My not so perfect family 

What happened?  Why couldn’t I mix up a batch of excellent kids?  What seems to have been a relatively easy task back when I was growing up now seems to need a 4 year culinary degree.  Why is this so common among homeschooling families?  Many of them become wrapped up in these other causes almost in a cult-like manner.  We desire to make a difference in our child’s lives and thus in the world.  We want to see a better change, and like what life used to be when families were healthy.  But looking back at those families, there is not a whole lot of commonality other than mom is at home and more people were church goers.  Moms didn’t homeschool, they just took their child to the doctor when sick, they didn’t evaluate everything they ate, they dressed their children in whatever they found at the store, they let them play outside for hours on end, but they were always present to their children in the background not on center stage running the show like a circus master taming wild beasts.  They did things for themselves without their children and for themselves.  Their identity was not wrapped up in their children and in the type of lifestyle they had.  They didn’t have a lifestyle.  They just lived life according to moral principles.  And guess what?  They loved their children, but they didn’t control everything for them.

We all want a better world for our children, and it is true that our world is declining morally in a fast way. All of these causes are good in and of themselves, but to think everything is a conspiracy theory makes us paranoid of some very good things.  Most doctors have their patient’s health in mind, children can be educated in many ways and still love their families and turn out well.  Kids with mainstream recreation interests can be wholesome.  The main differences I see in those that follow the ways of the world are what Jesus said.  You are in the world but not of the world.  We can live in this world and enjoy certain things, but we aren’t of the world because we are living for something beyond this world—heaven and that does mean living in a different way than. God doesn’t give us too many details on how to do this.  He tells us to follow His commandments, but He doesn’t give detailed lists on other things like dressing, eating, discipline, and schooling methods.  We can become to legalistic in our thinking if we limit ourselves to these cause or think our bowl must contain them all.  We can begin to believe that our cookbook is the only road to holiness and heaven.  Thus, guilt creeps into to a mother’s mind if she doesn’t follow the plan.

If you are trying to cook the impossible recipe of motherhood, close the cookbook, take off the perfect mom chef hat, and look to the Master Cook.  He will guide your family and create what is meant to be your family recipe.  It may look different for all of us.